I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
