Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
