Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
