How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
