The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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