i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
