Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
