I seem to have left my pride at pride
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
