How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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