he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
