I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize