Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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