I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
its not stalking. its research.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
