i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Two words: blizzard sex
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
