Having a random hookup so left but love u
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Randomize
