I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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