Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
