I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
