Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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