Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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