Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
