Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
