Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
