Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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