"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
