I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
