why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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