How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
