When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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