its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
