Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
