I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
