It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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