I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
