Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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