Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
