Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
