im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
