I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
