She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
