He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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