maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I smell like Dick and happiness
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
