I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
