I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
