A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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