Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize