I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Randomize
