What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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