Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
