just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
