Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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