I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
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