she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
