bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
