Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
