Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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