So drunk, too bad you don't want this
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize