Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
