She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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