can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
