My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
