New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
