my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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