Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
