If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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