no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
