I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize