P.S. I can't hear my feet
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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