I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
birth control should be required to get into college
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
