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do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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