you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
