it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
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