remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
