I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
