I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize