...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
