The maid of honor just puked.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
