Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
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