He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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