You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
if i died would you start the facebook group?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
